Bathtime made for two

The kids have been back at school for a couple of weeks now - hooray - and the novel editing and re-writing is in full flow. I am so completely in the zone now that I found myself typing with the cookie monster's hands late one night this week. My fingers were indistinguishable from each other, falling over themselves like flapping mackerel on the keyboard and I had to lift them gently and put them away until the morning. My goal is to have finished the re-write by October half term. It's a great vicarious life I'm living. A wise friend told me that the Universe cannot differentiate between the imagined and the real. All I can say is, I want what my protagonist is getting. Because real life has been a little less exciting.

My flappy hands have been made worse by the fact that I decided to tackle an enormously overgrown hedge of climbing roses, honeysuckle and clematis, at the weekend. It had rained overnight so I sensibly, yet disappointingly, decided against the power tool (insert pouty face) and set about the overhang, plunging my hands into the stems that were threatening to pull my fence down, armed with a pair of secateurs. Simples, as the meercats say. Five hours, one brimming wheelie bin and six overflow sacks later, my arms looked like a map of the underground, my hair was full of twigs and my right hand had seized up. I rewarded myself with a hot bubble bath. As I sat back, ice cold glass of wine in hand, proudly examining my war wounds, I suddenly realised I had company. Sitting atop of my very own Islands in the Stream (go, Dolly!) was a baby caterpillar. Lord only knows how long it had nested in my bra. I once found a blue Smartie in there after a party. I don't even remember eating Smarties that day.

Animal lovers, fret not: A  happy ever after ensued for the caterpillar. And I made a mental note to wear polo necks or scarves as wildlife filters when I tackle the rest of the garden. On second thoughts, I think I'll stick to the imaginary world. That way I get to decide who shares my bath water.

Man about the house

 
Last night I drank wine with a boy. In my house. Though he hardly qualifies as a 'boy' at three years older than me, I think he'll be flattered all the same. What was notable about his visit was that most of my booze quaffing (and indeed, tea drinking) mates are girls these days. My best boy bud lives in London so we run up our phone bills keeping in touch and other male mates tend to be friends' partners and I see them out socially. Consequently, this house has become a bit of a male-free zone. Not deliberately, of course. Talking last night, I realised there are lots of bloke things which don't blip on our girlie radar. My friend was describing someones strange hair cut and likened it to a certain - apparently well known - footballer. I looked at him blankly. Not a clue. I have NO IDEA when the football season starts, finishes or when 'important' games are on. Ditto cricket, rugby, Grand Prix... you get the idea. Nor do I ever have beers in the fridge. Even though I quite like the odd shandy (classy) I never think to buy beer. And then we have the toilet seat. Never, ever in this house have the DDs or I got up in the night for a sleepy wee only to awaken suddenly when bum cheeks meet cold porcelain.

Now despite my drill wielding and DIY capabilities, occasionally there are jobs which require either a bit of brute force or are *shudder* technical. At times like this, I pity the poor boys who do make it over the threshold. A young friend of mine (hark at me sounding like a maiden aunt) regularly visits, sometimes bringing her fiance. He's strong and works in IT. You can only imagine the excitement when he appears if we need a heavy suitcase lumped out of the loft (or my enormous boxes of Christmas decorations last year), or if iPods aren't synching etc. With barely concealed glee we make with the pleasantries as the kettle goes on, and the girls nudge me while I mutter "sssh, in a minute". Water goes into the pot, then I go in for the kill. "Oooh, I just had a thought! While the tea is brewing, would you be a daaaarling, and just have a look at the computer, it's doing something weird...." Flash big smile. Poke the DDs. They grin and do puppy dog eyes.  Three hours later the poor bugger is clawing to escape our clutches despite the offering of chocolate hobnobs to accompany the fifth cup of tea.

Yes, I really have no idea why blokes don't visit us very often.

A mad, bad and sad week.

 It's been a week of discovery in my house. So far, I've learnt:

1. Going out to work every day and leaving the DDs with someone else is 100 times easier than trying to work while they are at home.
2. You can have a lot of revenge changing the lyrics of a Dolly Parton song. 
3. School uniform for a tall 13 year old has 20% VAT added - even if it's covered in the school logo, bought from the school uniform shop and can't possibly be used for any other purpose than school wear.
4. Baking apple turnovers on the hottest day of the year makes a person really crabby.
5. Having one evening off a week from 24/7 single parent child-rearing is apparently equivalent to another person having them for one evening a week in terms of opportunity for a social life.
6. Loading my own CDs to iTunes is illegal.
7. If you get a gut-instinct to call someone, follow it through - chances are they need you.
8. If the fridge/freezer is going to pack up, the middle of the school summer holiday is probably not the most convenient time.
9. I do having a breaking point.
10. I can get 17 Maltesers into my mouth at the same time before my gag reflex kicks in.

A reason, a season or a lifetime.

'tis a sad day. After only a year next door to our lovely neighbours, they are packing up to move to a new house in the next town.

We've always been very lucky with neighbours and this time was no exception. I already knew Anna when we moved in last June - she had been head of the school PA when I was on the committee (joint Catering Officer, responsible for e-numbers and caffeine) - but you never quite know a person until you've seen them in their pyjamas putting the rubbish out. Our youngest daughters became friends, walking to school together and in each others' houses and gardens most days.

Once, during the snow in winter, I came home from work and nearly slipped A over T on the compacted icy pavement outside my house. Feeling really grumpy, I grabbed my shovel and started to clear it. It was going to be a long job. Anna returned shortly after, offered words of encouragement and disappeared indoors. 10 minutes later she re-appeared with two hot cups of tea, and started sweeping my broken up chunks of ice into the gutter. We then swapped tools and cleared her pathway, chatting as we worked. It turned a horrible job into a nice memory.

Similarly, we had great fun in the summer with my neglected and overgrown bush (ahem) which borders our properties. I'm not a fan of ladders so when Anna found me standing on tip-toes brandishing a borrowed chainsaw at the hedge top (much to the horror of the elderly gent the other side, who almost had a heart attack at a woman loose with a power tool), she got up the ladder to finish off, then we shovelled and swept again.

As for the new neighbours, well the DDs had their usual list of requirements for any new people entering their lives, number one being they should have kids their ages. Oh, and a tortoise, a house rabbit and a dog. I was hoping for either a hot single dad or another woman my age to share shovelling duties. Well, we are awaiting the arrival of 'a middle-aged couple, no kids, moving from London to be near the sea'. The jury is still out on whether they will bring livestock, but I'm sure they will be lovely. I believe that you get what you expect in life.

I also firmly believe the adage that we come into each others' lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sadly, as the children will be at different schools I'm not sure our paths will cross again, other than by chance. I think Anna and her family were there for a reason: to provide familiarity and help ease us into our new home when we were all reeling from newness and change. I'm not sure what our purpose was to them. Maybe my loud, bad singing made them finally make that move they'd talked about for years. Either way, we'll miss them a lot. And yet our former elderly neighbour is definitely in the lifetime category: We still see her all the time, and she has an uncanny knack of calling me out of the blue and saying things like "How's your headache, dear?" and "What's wrong?" at exactly the right moment.

So I have a card and welcome gift ready for the new people, and I'm looking forward to finding out whether they are reason, season or lifetime people. And whether I manage to scare them off with my singing too.

A novel is born

Something very exciting has happened. I say this as though it was unexpected, and in a way it was. I've dreamed of this moment for the last 20 years and after several false starts there were days when I didn't think I would get to this point. So forgive me for wanting to scream it from the blogtops:

I have just finished writing my novel.

Of course, it's a first draft and in a condition that only a mother could love, but it's mine. I've typed 'The End'.

I don't profess to have the writing knowledge that many bloggers offer. I am learning as I go. But if any other writers are struggling to finish their first draft, let me share the one piece of advice that changed the way this novice writes and helped deliver my first victory. It is this: Momentum is key. It's so important, I'll say it again: Momentum is key. Don't stop to make it perfect. Keep going even if you think it's crap. Some of it will be. Much of mine undoubtedly is. But now my task is to nurture my baby through to adolescence before sending it out into the big wide world with love and optimism. And a big fat prayer that it won't land back on my doorstep too many times before it finally flees the nest.

5 things I want to do this summer - Listography

The Reluctant House Dad is hosting Kate Takes 5 listography for this week, '5 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER'. So, here are mine:

1. RESIGN FROM MY POST AS ENTERTAINMENT CAPTAIN
For the past 13 years, my job has been to plan the whole 6 weeks of activities like a military operation, in consultation with other Entertainment Captains and the Met Office, and with the aid of the equivalent of the national debt of Greece. September would find me spent in more ways than one. So this year, I'm hanging up my hat: the DDs are going to amuse themselves the old fashioned way. We had a taster of it at half term. After outgrowing her previous bike, DD1 refused several offers of a new one on the grounds that it was 'so lame', then she acquired one by accident (thanks, Aunty H!) and I couldn't get her off it. She was gone for hours each day, punctuated just once by a teary phone call that she'd fallen into some nettles and knocked her chain off the gear mechanism miles away from home (mum's Emergency Services and her big car boot came in handy that day.) The eureka moment came for me when she took DD2 with her. Deep breath from overprotective mummy and off they went off like a couple of Enid Blyton characters with lashings of ginger b... ok, water bottles, cycled for hours, stopped off at the park and the library, and returned home sweaty, scuffed and grinning. And very proud of themselves. All for zero expense. Priceless. It's time.


2. BAKE, BAKE AND BAKE
No, not tanning.  But when my kids make a pit stop from their adventures with a pile of equally ravenous friends, I will make sure I always have a home baked cake or biscuits to hand (as well as the ubiquitous freezer full of ice pops). That way, I get the therapy, and I can guarantee they will make it home at some point.

3. EDIT MY NOVEL 
By the beginning of the school holidays I will have finished my first draft - I know where it's going and how to get there and it's currently hitting the page in all its messy glory before the really hard work starts: editing. So while the intrepid explorers are out and about in the sun, I will get my new baby into a form fit for human consumption.


4. BE THANKFUL
Like many, we can't afford a holiday this year so are thankful we live five minutes from the beach, with woods, farms and castles all within a ten minute strike. And, we are doubly thankful for the lovely friend who has invited us to her holiday cottage in Suffolk. Last time, we went crabbing at Walberswick, prom strolling in Southwold and toy boat sailing in Aldeburgh. And the now legendary 'Strawbelly Jam', as the kids labelled it, was made after an afternoon picking our own weight in strawberries. I'm thankful for old fashioned, low-cost, lazy summer days.

5. ENJOY MY TIME ALONE
The DDs will be spending the first and last weeks of the holidays with their dad. In the two previous years, I have dreaded them going, hated the silence and spent the week thoroughly miserable. This year will be different. As they grow in independence, so must I. I already have a party invitation, a promise of a bottle of wine with a friend, and our annual grown-up girls weekend at my friend's house in Suffolk. We'll go for walks, wander around antique centres and silly gift shops, make regular cuppa and cake stops, and in the evenings the odd bottle of alcohol may even get a look in. Ok, so we previously discovered that Cava and popping candy in the same mouthful make your nose run, and how, by rigging straws through the face hole in a massage table, you can enjoy several hands-free Pina Coladas whilst being pummelled (ahem, massaged...) On reflection, perhaps I already get the hang of this grown up thing.

Happy summer, people!

For more '5 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER' see The Reluctant House Dad's blog.

The Beyoncé Factor

 

I was completely blown away by Beyoncé's amazing performance at Glastonbury at the weekend. She looked incredible of course, strutting her bronze, womanly curves in gold sequins and teeny tiny little shorts.  And her voice was astounding. But it was more than that. At the top of her game, she exuded talent, confidence, energy and fun. Her songs are about strong women, not afraid to give and take love, but sure enough 'ain't gonna put up with his shit if he treats her bad, girlfriend'. She was thoroughly entertaining.

Then it hit me: blimey, she and I are the same species. We have all the same base equipment. And other than her talent for singing, we were born with the same potential. Yet I have never felt so different to another woman in my life. It's easy to say, oh it's OK for her, she's a superstar, but she didn't get there without self-belief, determination, hard work and stepping out of her comfort zone time and time again.

She made me think about my own potential. I'm proud of many of the choices I've made and I know I'm good-enough at lots of things, but this woman is in a league of her own. Am I pushing myself enough? Could I reach similar dizzying heights of my own in my chosen field with more effort? Could I have thighs that could crack a walnut?

Well, I think the answers are no, yes and only if I give up cake. But I will take a leaf out of my new role model's book and set my bar higher. I'll have more self-belief, determination and courage. And more fun. Yes, definitely more fun. In fact, I pledge here and now that before my next big birthday, I will learn the whole 'Single Lady' dance routine and perform it at my party. I just need a couple of willing volunteers. Anyone.....?